ok 1st

A and B were sitting in the hall watching a soccer match. A says, i bet you $10 he will score. A few minutes later the guy scores a goal. actually you do not have to give me money i saw this live yesterday this is a recorded one. B replies oh i saw it too i just did not think he coul do it AGAIN.

2nd

Hey A i heard petrol prices are rising. yeah but i have over $60,000 says A.Wow how do you get that much money, I sold my car...

3rd

hey b i heard you had a party yesterday how was it. It was great except we had WARM drinks.WARM drinks, Why? Yes, we had no ice. But why? did your fridge get spoilt.NO,i just forgot the RECIPE to make ice? oh...

Dumb people rite?

Don't Listen to Him
A couple had been married for many years, and their son had gotten old enough to date. One day the boy brought a girl over to diner. The mother was thrilled with her son's choice and couldn't wait for the wedding. However, the father was upset and, eventually, the boy asked, “Dad, why don't you seem happy with her. Mom likes her a lot.”
The father explained, “No son, there's nothing wrong with the girl. It's just that I cheated on your mother a long time ago, and the girl you've been dating is my daughter by that woman.”
So the boy dumped her and found himself another girl. Again, he brought her home to the mother's delight, but the father again told him this girl was actually his half-sister. The boy lost his temper and told his mother what his father had said.
Furious, the mother shouted, “Don't listen to him, sweetheart! He isn't even your father!”

Another one

Sobriety Test

A man got pulled over by a cop because he was weaving in and out of the lanes. The cop got out of his car and asked the driver to blow in a breath-analyzer tube to check his alcohol level. "Oh, no," the driver said. "I can't do that. If I do that, I'll have an asthma attack and die." "OK," said the officer, "let's go down to the station and you can pee in a cup to check your alcohol level." "Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a diabetic and if I pee my blood sugar level will go down so low that I might die." "Fine then. Let's go to the station and take a blood test to check your alcohol level." "Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a hemophiliac and I'll never stop bleeding if you draw my blood. "All right then, just step outside your car and walk this white line for me." "Oh, no, I can't do that." "Why not?" "Because I'm drunk."